Men, Be Thankful for the Women in Your Life
Would life be worth living without them?
Mothers
Someone had to raise you, to take you from basically nothing and turn you into a full fledged person. Not all mothers are perfect, but they have a herculean task, to make something from nothing. From two cells they grow a whole baby with their bodies, and then through years of thankless effort, they send a fully formed person out into the world.
It’s easy to take them for granted, especially if you’ve had them your whole life. But mothers sacrificed their bodies and their minds to make you possible. It’s not something you can ever fully repay, but you can be thankful for them, and do what you can to make their lives better/ easier. Make them proud.
Significant Others
It’s easy as a teenage boy to see woman as objects. You’re flooded with hormones and fantasies that are disturbing to your 13 year old mind. Women do their best to keep you away (and they should).
As an adult (straight) man, your fantasies give way to the reality of women as people, not objects. You start seeing women as people to share a life with, not to keep in a (metaphorical) cage. If you’re lucky enough to find a woman you can be with mentally, emotionally and physically, do what you can to maintain a relationship with her.
And once you’ve fought for that relationship, you’re at the beginning, not the end. Be sure to express gratitude and thankfulness every day. Learn what Love Languages your partner speaks, or what women’s needs are vs. men’s. I’m surprised how little I knew about women until I read a few books, or (god forbid) talked to them and actually listened.
I can’t even imagine going back to my life as a single man. There were bits of excitement but mostly it was long stretches of loneliness. I wouldn’t trade what I have now for any version of bachelorhood. Blegh. Having someone you love sleep next to you is unbeatable; it makes me feel at peace with the universe.
Daughters
The relationship between fathers and daughters is probably responsible for a lot of heartache (daddy issues?) in the world. I have a 16 month old daughter but she is already such a joy in my life. I already feel I have a pretty strong influence on her happiness.
It’s easy to forget how much they mirror you and learn from you, when they’re making big messes or getting poop everywhere. But you have to be the bigger person, and channel your inner mother: calm and collected in the face of childish aggression. You don’t want the future generation of mothers to resent the men in their life.
From the little experience I have so far, I know I won’t always be the best dad, but I know that by being thankful and appreciative of my little one, and making sure she’s supported, I’ll help her grow into a strong woman of her own.
Sisters + Friends
The last category is the platonic women you care about in your life. The world is full of lopsided things that benefit men and make it tough for women. Part of that is that men need to be the ones who make life easier for women, not harder. You can’t have their babies for them, but you can be the knight and not the bully.
Help your sisters succeed instead of teasing them. You should be one of the few men in their life they can rely on to help them out.
Help your female friends get ahead; the deck is pretty stacked against them when it comes to entering specific industries. Helping means talking things through with them, since women solve their problems by talking them out. You don’t need to swoop in and save the day, but hear what they have to say.
I always feel a soft spot for women in tech; I’ve felt a lot of them express anxiety about being in over their heads, while some of their male peers act like they’re geniuses (the reality is most of those men don’t know crap). What I tell the women I’ve talked to is, I don’t know any more than they do, I can just fake it pretty well. Or the reason that I know something is because I broke it in a specific way that I’ll never forget.
Closing
The women in your life are going to deal with a lot of crappy men. Some of them will be men close to them and others will be ones they have random encounters with. That sucks. Aren’t we supposed to be protecting them from the horrors of the world? Why have men become their greatest fear?
I can improve the lives of the women I know by trying to be one of the good men in their life. By being thankful for them, and acting like it.
