Take Back Your Time, Say “No”
Do fewer things, especially things that people ask you.
Recently I subscribed to James Clear’s newsletter; he has some pretty great quotes, both from himself and others. One thing he brought up is that what makes people great is not what they say yes to, but what they say no to.
If you’re a high performance athlete, you have to say no all the time to yourself. “No, I won’t eat that… no I won’t sit on the couch.” If you’re a disciplined musician, you have to say “no” to anything and everything else that isn’t playing the same song over and over.
That’s how you achieve mastery; saying no to most things and yes to a few.
But the time stealer is usually not yourself. Sure you might spend time procrastinating or doing things that aren’t productive, but other people are what waste your time.
Tell them no.
People will ask you to do things. It happen in a job setting for sure, but even in school, in clubs, in sports. Every time someone asks you to do something, weigh it against what else you could be doing.
Here are some reasons to say yes:
- It’s quick to do (<five minutes)
- It helps develop something you’re trying to master (Think Win Win)
- It lets you spend time with others doing something you enjoy
But if it’s going to cost you time and there’s not much in it for you, say no.
If it doesn’t fit into those above categories, say no.
Make no your default to other’s requests on your time.
As an example on why you should do this: recently I had a coworker ask our team to work on something to help along the usage of something we owned.
I thought it would buy us good will, so of course I said “yes!” But instead we spent time building in edge cases for this person, and got chastised by them. If we’d just said no, we would have been able to spend our time on something that helped our team improve, and could have minimized our interaction with this person. “No” should have been our default.
Plot twist: tell your kid and you teammates, “we don’t”
…talk about Bruno. (OK I couldn’t help myself, we own the Encanto CD).
Interestingly enough, you shouldn’t tell your children “no” 90% of the time (for dangerous things, “no” is appropriate).
The best way to interact with your kid when it comes to setting boundaries is “we don’t,” i.e. “we don’t put rocks in our mouth.” Or “we don’t scratch mommy.” That’s because you’re establishing that they’re part of your world, they are at your level, not someone inferior.
You tell other people no because they are trying to impose their will on you (and you shouldn’t let them). You tell your kid “we don’t” because you are setting a standard, not imposing your will. “This is how we operate as a family” vs. “YOU STOP DOING THAT.”
The same goes for your teammates. You shouldn’t have to tell them “no” (unless they’re imposing on your time hehe). You establish a standard that you and everyone on the team follows. That way it’s something people buy into, instead of being dictated to. It also gives people the ability to disagree in a more collaborative way, instead of starting up a debate.
tl;dr
Say no to:
- Drugs (came out of left field huh?)
- People trying to waste your time
Don’t say no to, say “we don’t” to:
- Your child
- Your teammates
Thanks for reading!
