You Will Never Be a Better Version of Someone Else
Put Envy On Notice, Be the Best Version of Yourself
Barney and Mr. Rogers Got It Right
If you never watched or even heard of these shows (maybe you’ve never seen a TV before?) then I’ll quote both of them for you.
Barney had a song that went: “You are special, special, everyone is special.”
Mr. Rogers would sing
You’re special to me.
You are the only one like you.
Like you, my friend, I like you.
What are they saying though, that we’re all snowflakes? We must all be coddled and cared for? Hardly. They’re saying you’re unique. You aren’t going to be another version of someone else, no matter how hard you try.
There will always be people that are better than you
Think of Lance Armstrong. Or Muhammad Ali. Or any great competitor that comes to your mind. But we tend to view all of the greats of all time, but things are always changing.
Consider Lance. One of the fastest cyclists in the world, he had most of his titles stripped from him from a doping scandal that affected more than half of the recent competitors in the race. He’s also part of this amazing trend in the Tour de France that looks like so
Lance is a part of a trend of increasing speed. I bet most of the racers in 2022 could beat ANY racer in 1940, hands down. And consider:
- The equipment is probably significantly better
- The roads are probably better to race on
- They probably didn’t dope back then?
- I’m sure other race logistics have changed in 100 years
So if you’re looking for someone better than you, just consider all the different ways someone could be better than you at the exact same thing you do. It could just be that 50 years later, every athlete is outperforming you. Somewhere out there is an athlete that can perform better than Lance in cycling, maybe they just aren’t old enough yet. Or given more equal opportunities (i.e. no doping, same equipment) someone could beat him or other top competitors right now.
But remember that Lance isn’t trying to be a faster version of other racers; he can never become that (unless he’s the guy from Quantum Leap?). He can only be a faster version of himself.
The Best Advice My Band Teacher Ever Gave Me
I was at best a mediocre saxophone player in high school. If you lined up the sax players we had by talent, I was squarely in the middle or towards the back. But I still enjoyed playing the instrument.
Anyway our head band teacher, onto one of his typical lectures, said something to the effect of:
Find a great musician you really enjoy listening to. Try and copy their style, and you’ll never be exactly like them, but you’ll get a new style of your own that comes out of it, that won’t be half bad.
It really stuck with me; this isn’t true for just music, it’s true for anything you do in life.
You can think of yourself like a tree growing towards the sun. You’ll never grow the same way as another tree does, because things are different (your genes, your environment). But giving yourself something to reach toward is what drives your unique shape. If you don’t reach towards anything, you’ll shrivel up and die.
Being Any Version of Someone Else Is Good to Learn, But Not to Be
Study the greats of the discipline you want to become great at yourself, but don’t fool yourself into being the next “Miles Davis” or the next “Lance Armstrong.”
For some people who are really driven, they can handle that kind of pressure, but most folks will be discouraged by the fact that they never reach the same level of performance as the person they’re pursuing.
And wanting something is never enough; you have to know what it takes and be willing to pay that amount. How many hours a day is Lance training for? Five years ago he’d go on a ride that lastest for six hours. And we’re talking a grueling pace, in crummy weather.
Get familiar with any great in any discipline and you’ll see what effort they have to put in. Then ask yourself if you’re willing to put in the same effort. Otherwise you’re just lusting after their success but not considering what it really takes to get there.
Remember you can learn from other people, but you cannot BE them. Being yourself means accepting your limits and pushing them.
Don’t learn to Love Yourself, Learn to Love Who You are Becoming
Michele Obama has one of the best titles of a memoir I’ve read/listened to recently: Becoming. In it she describes the phases of her life, from childhood, to college, to lawyer, to mom, to (state) senator’s wife, and finally to president’s wife.
She is an incredibly sharp woman who tells they story not as “I did these things”, but how “I came to do these things.” She pushed herself. She loved the person she was turning into, by pushing her piano playing, her studying, her work; each day she stoked the fire of her being as she pushed herself to be the best version of herself she could be.
The book reminds me of a few lines from the Great Gatsby, ones that I always hold onto because they are so interestingly worded. You’ve maybe heard “Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future,” if you’ve ever sat through English class in high school.
Gatsby was a very disciplined character who saw that to get what he wanted (both a new life and a love interest) he had to push himself and change how he acted. “Orgastic” is such a unique word to use, but one that describes something climactic, some amazing achievement to push towards. It describes that love of who you are becoming.
You are special, you are the only one like you. Become enamored with who you can become, and not who else you can become.
